Subway sandwich for dinner :) Whole wheat 9 grain 6 inch with ham, white cheese, red onions, banana peppers, oil, pepper, spinach, tomatoes and mayo :) I told the guy LITE MAYO but he put regular mayo on it >.< He tried to act like it didn’t happen, but I saw what he did. I also got a blueberry pomegranate smoothie :) Yay.
I’m de-bloating for the beach in 3 days :)

Looking back at how I was starting out, I was really bad. ‘I ate honey buns and crackers and cheese spray but it was an accident because I was at a friend’s house and starving.’ Like wtf that was no accident. You didn’t have to eat that stuff. What’s wrong with you? Anyways. I feel like i’m a lot stronger than that now :) Which is amazing.

Yesterday was good :) I got my new bathing suit yay :) The last time I wore a 2-piece was in middle school, and I wore a dress one piece since then. But yesterday, I got a 2 piece :) Tankini & a skort. I was this close to getting just a regular bottom. :) I was uncomfortable because my stomach hung out just a teeeny bit out of the top. But that was it! Just a little! I’m that close to being able to wear that and be comfortable and confident :) Which really excites me! I also got 3 new summer tops, which is good because 90% of my wardrobe is winter clothes ;p
Anywayssss~ I had Taco Bell Wednesday.. i’m never eating that again. I felt so bleghck afterwards. And the burrito was FIVE HUNDRED AND FIFTY CALORIES. GOOD LORD. I was expecting like 300!
TTYL :)

i’m going bathing suit shopping tomorrow.. askdfjsk #nerves
But I need a new one. I have 2 currently, one from middle school which is stretched and too big on me (not really sure why I have that one..), and the one I bought my freshmen year when I was somewhere between 240-190. So.
I need a new one :) Doesn’t
make me any less nervous though. My boyfriend is coming so that might make it a little better.. :p
I’d rather wait and get one later on, but i’m going to the beach next Saturday, so.. time to also eat non-salty foods for a week! Yay no bloating~
Andd my boyfriend’s sister/my friend is coming over to go on a walk/jog with me tomorrrowww so i’m excited :)
TTYL

I hate myself for not trying hard enough.. I eat better than I used too. I eat more vegetables, fruit, meat, and less carbs, to an extent. I try to eat mostly organic foods, and I only eat junk food 1-2 times a week, but I feel like that isn’t good enough.
I drink too much sweet tea. I loooove sweet tea. I’m southern. Raised on it. Even if I only put 1 cup of sugar in a gallon I feel bad about it. And I try to drink a lot of water, but our cold faucet is broken and no one wants to drink hot water. So if I do drink cold water, it’s because I put some in the fridge. And that stuff goes bye bye fast when you live in a house of five people.
I don’t drink soda. If I do, it’s rare, and it’s always diet or zero calorie. When we go out to eat, I still try to eat healthy. Last week we went to a burger place, and I had a turkey burger on a kaiser roll. Sometimes, like maybe once or twice a week, I eat dessert. It’s usually sugar free ice cream or low fat frozen yogurt, but still.. If we eat pancakes for breakfast, I make oatmeal pancakes.
I unnessecarily eat more than I should. I eat too big of a snack when I get home.. nothing small fills me up. I need to buy some more cliff bars. Those things fill me up and they’re damn good. And I eat too much at dinner.. I take another helping of broccoli or rice, and I feel really bad about it. Which I should. I mean, I don’t feel that bad if it’s broccoli or tomato slices, because those are good for you and low cal, but I feel bad if I get extra carbs or meat.
I need to exercise more. I don’t do it enough. I’m going to start running when we get out of school. Every morning (excluding weekends**). And i’m not letting myself get pretty nikes until I do it for at least 2 weeks straight. And i’m going to try really hard.

And i’m mad at myself for fucking complaining about not doing it when it’s so simple. It’s not hard. At all. I’ve done it before. I’m positive i’ve gained at least a pound, and it’s my fault. And i’m to lazy to actually get up and do something about it.

Am I being too hard on myself?

I hate it when you buy new clothes or you have an outfit on that you think looks really good on you, and it makes you confident.. but then later you see a picture of yourself in that outfit and you realize you look fat as hell and now those clothes are associated with bad memories and you’re scared you’ll look bad in them so you don’t wear them anymore ashbdsulksedwsjnswobxsk gsdfjsklam 😖 :(

I hate it when I see people I know gaining weight, and I really want to tell them to stop it because I don’t want them to end up unhappy with their bodies like I am, but then I think, what if they don’t care if they gain weight and they’re comfortable the way they are? So I just don’t say anything because it’d be mean. But then I think what if they appreciated it if I told them because they didn’t know and they wanted to be healthy?!?
afknswuksqiksaSKAFGERDMEHGN
I’m so mean ;~;

Woman, you are going to gain weight if you keep over-eating.. fucKING stop it.

I feel so skinny and de-bloated today! ;) These brown shorts I got when I was 190 or so are pretty loose :) I had to wear a belt :3 whoo ✌

I looooove seeing candid photos of myself where I have like 3 chins and I look huge in outfits I thought looked good on me.. sigh.
More motovation tho, right? I almost want to take every bad photo of me and collage them together into one big huge before. But nobody has like 50 pictures on their before, even though i’m pretty sure they have more than 2 before pictures.
I’m going to start running every morning in the summer when school gets out~~ After vacay of course ;) Because that’s the day right after we get out.
ARGHHH. 179.. move faster. On the brightside, one of my friends from school asked if I had lost weight and they said they can tell. And my sister said my legs looked skinnier. :s

The scale says 178.6.. but who believes that bitch? ;)
feeling lighter allll the time! :) Sah excited.

I really hate my scale ._. It’s an electronic digital scale, and it never tells me the truth. It’ll say, ‘168, 175, 192, 183, 164, 179’ in that order. -.- My scale is a lying SOB and it pisses me off cause I never know what I actually weigh and I can’t tell if i’ve lost weight or not adhlcatoakfjshaiqp
I mean, I feel lighter, but idfk